Utrechtse Lubach spin-off: "You got the Trump tower, we got the Dom tower"

Vorige week ging de 'Netherlands second'-video van het satarische televisieprogramma Zondag met Lubach de hele wereld over. Het leidde tot een petitie in de VS en er volgden allerlei varianten van Europese landen, waaronder Duitsland.

Een RTV Utrecht-kijker, die liever niet 'in de schijnwerpers' wil, heeft de tekst voor de Utrechtse versie al klaarliggen. "Let's Make Utrecht Great Again", luidt de titel. De schrijver zoekt alleen nog iemand die er een filmpje bij wil maken. "Misschien is het wat voor de studenten aan de Hogeschool voor de Kunsten", suggereert hij.

Dear Mr. President. We like to introduce you to our city Utrecht. You got the Trump tower. We got the Dom tower. They're both great and about just as high. Yours bigger of course! Dom means stupid in Dutch. It's like idiot. Both your most favorite words. You love using them in public. We even have a law to keep the Dom tower the highest building ever in our city. Imagine nothing in the world higher than the Trump tower. You'll love it. We don't do that for nature or any environmental reasons of course.

All nationalities live in our little city, but no Mexicans. Oh no, absolutely no Mexicans. All Taco companies like all other companies in the city are American only. You can be sure. It's true. As you have heard already from Lubach the government of The Netherlands handled the Mexican problem very well in the first place.

Our Rabobank tower even had huge profit from it with all the Mexican drug money laundry. We made them pay in many ways. But we have problems in common too. We have a lot of bike parking problems in our city center. They're like Mexicans actually, just terrible. Likes flies hanging around, too much of them. Don't know anything about penalties too, ask Arjen Robben, #ESTANOPENAL. They just won't go away by themselves. As solution our local government just performs a 'Biking Purge' and then sells them all. Great huge profit. Perfect for your Mexican problems.

Also we managed to get rid of all Mexican hookers and now doing these things exactly in your way. All the peeing is now done inside Hotel rooms, but not by Mexican hookers anymore of course, you can be sure. We have the best pussies in the world. Women in Utrecht will respond to you while asking if you can grab her by the pussy before having sex her with 'Mè-jouw'. Such little nice kittens. You'll love them. Please visit us soon and come see for yourself.

We truly understand it will just be America first, for sure that's fine, but can Utrecht be second?

"Ik zie de beelden al voor me", aldus de schrijver van de tekst. "De drone rond de Dom, het optakelen van fietsen, niet zo moeilijk lijkt me. Ik denk dat het in zijn totaliteit goede reclame voor de stad is, dat zeker!"